Say Cheese!

I don't like people to look at me while I exercise.

I understand that this seems strange when I say I work out with a trainer or run with a running group. But mostly I don't want people who are not working out to watch or see me work out. I am not an attractive athlete. Some women glisten when they run, their perfectly coiffed ponytails bouncing as they exercise. Think Jane Fonda on crack.

I am not one of these people. Should you encounter me running around the streets of Chicago (and you can easily find me by following the screams of women and children as they catch sight of me), I will resemble a beet on fire. My face will be bright red, sweat will be pouring down my face, my clothes will be disheveled and my hair will be sticking straight up.

I don't like exercising in front of people not just for vanity reasons, but also because when you're all-out running, you feel out of control, almost vulnerable. Whether someone sees you at your strongest, powering through the finish line or taking a hill with force or at your weakest, dragging an injured knee behind you as you limp towards your endpoint, spectators see you at your purest, without the trappings of everyday life to shroud you. It's a scary feeling.

Last week I was taking my usual weekday run along the Chicago lakefront. My standard route takes me through a lakefront park that is one of my favorite views of the entire city. Standing at the edge of the park - essentially a peninsula in Lake Michigan - you get two of the best views of the city and Lakeshore Drive. It is, in a word, breathtaking.

Running in my own world I pounded down the sidewalk, paused to glance at the stunning skyline, and realized something was in my shoe. Instead of just stopping and looking in my shoe, I continued to jog, shaking my foot to the side in a motion that resembled an injured vaudeville act.

Sensing something was in front of me, I suddenly stopped, foot in mid air, deer in headlights look on my face and aforementioned general air of sweaty grossness, only to see I had just wandered into my worst nightmare.

I had stumbled into the background of an engagement photo. The adorable couple, dressed to the nines, was approximately five feet in front of me. The photographer had lowered his camera and was staring at me. The couple, blissfully unaware, were still smiling, thinking the city skyline was in the background instead of a big sweaty stumbling mess.

I mumbled an apology and awkwardly stumbled to the side thinking not only had I violated my number one rule about allowing people to watch me run, but also had now been captured on camera doing so.

So congrats to that couple - may you have a long and happy life together. Can I get a copy of the photo?

All I Really Need to Know...

To all eight people who read my blog, this is Grover. He’s five. Likes: salsa, driving in cars, stuffed animals and Twizzler’s Pull n Peel. Dislikes: water, cats, crowds and Major League Baseball (he’s been to two games).

At the beginning of yet another season of marathon training, with a year and a half of training, illness and disappointment behind me, I came to a realization: everything I should have known about running and training, I could have learned from Grover.

1. Run like you mean it. Run like you stole something. Run like you’re being chased. Run until your hair whips behind you and your legs are a tangle of pavement pounding fury. Why go for a run if you’re just going to put in the miles in an uninspired way and go home? If you’re going to do that, you might as well just forget it and nap in a well-lit area of your house.
2. The whole point of running is what you see along the way. If you get to the end and haven’t stopped to look at something fun or contemplate why in God’s name the park smells the way it does, you weren’t really running.
3. Despite the aforementioned necessary fury, if you need to stop, stop. Actually, if you need to stop, no matter where you are and at what time of day it is, do so. 5pm rush hour and you’re crossing the busiest intersection in the city? Take a breather pal. You can’t expect your body to go all out all the time.
4. Don’t feel intimidated by any other runners you encounter. All you need to run is a passion and some legs. Who cares if the person next to you is bigger, stronger, or wearing a snazzy coat? Not your problem.
5. Always drink water with wanton disregard for what people think. Hydration is important. If the water gets all over your face, don’t worry about it.
6. When you’re done running, don’t forget to stretch reeeaaaallly well and take a nap. Points for napping outside.

I’m exhausted just thinking about running. Time for that nap.